The Waiting Game

OK, so, I've not been nearly as great at blogging as I aspired to be at the beginning.  This is mostly because, I am just kind of whiny lately.  There are times I really think I sound quite like my nearly-4-year-old about this whole adoption process.  "Has it happened yet?"  "Has it happened yet?"  "Is it going to happen?"  "When will it happen?"  The funny thing about this is that when my daughter asks me constant questions like this, I get kind of annoyed.  However, my annoying questions are going to God.  I take comfort in knowing He isn't annoyed with me and that in truth, like me with my daughter, He is teaching me during this waiting season.  He is teaching me patience far beyond what I thought I could be capable of.  Obviously, I will never be patient like God and, like any child, I am not necessarily taking this lesson well.  I'm still whining and complaining quite a bit.  However, I feel myself recognizing my attitude and am truly working on stopping the whining.  I think by recognizing my attitude, especially by paralleling it to a nearly-four-year-old's, God has shown me something pretty important. 

Lately, I am also trying to distract myself - a lot.  First, it was with a new profile album.  Yes, previously I said I would not do this again, but the newest one really is the best.  It is all colorful and happy looking.  I love it!  If you're curious what this looks like, here is the link (http://www1.snapfish.com/snapfish/projectshareewelcome/l=6314857002/p=85181305761662117/g=24925953/cobrandOid=1000/COBRAND_NAME=snapfish/otsc=SYE/otsi=SPBKlink/).  Matt and I also decided to go ahead and put together a video to go along with our online profile.  I had a blast putting this together and am so excited for how it turned out.  I included the video on my last blog post.  These were great distractions right now.  We have also decided to take a family vacation to Disneyland.  Ainsley is at the perfect age to go now and we just quite frankly need to get away.  I am so excited!  In fact, my mother-in-law decided to come with us which means Matt and I will even get an evening out!  Now, I do realize we cannot take a vacation anytime I need a distraction from waiting, but as the summer and year moves on, there is plenty of fun to look forward to.  Matt and my 13th anniversary, Ainsley's 4th birthday, summer swimming lessons, park days, a summer camp, my birthday, and then we get into the holidays.  Very exciting!   

I find it fascinating what God reminds us of in our quiet moments.  For example, it was while thinking about blogging, I realized I am acting a bit like a child and whining.  Not a great thing...  However, also during this time I realized what great blessings I have to continue to look forward to.  So, the waiting game continues - distracting and praying.  Most importantly, praying.  It's really all I can do...

Adoption Video

Matt and I recently decided to go ahead and create an adoption video to be included in our online profile through our agency - Bethany Christian Services.  I was pretty pleased with how it turned out and am now posting it here as well.  We have an amazing group of friends and family who are loving, praying, and supporting us always. 

Enjoy!

Friendship

Today a friend of mine came over and I was yet again reminded how important friendship is and what a truly magnificent gift God gives us in it.  I've been so terribly down in the dumps.  Simply feeling sad, rejected, and cold.  I've not really wanted to be around my friends very often lately.  Not because I don't love them, but because I've been embarrassed by my emotions.  I've felt so embarrassed for the rejection of not being selected yet and then, embarrassed that I'm embarrassed.  That somehow, my friends would judge me and think I'm just not trusting in the Lord enough or that they too would see the rejection as something wrong with me.  Today, I was reminded why these are lies I've been allowing myself and why I must fight them and fight to get out of my comfort zone daily.  Why I so humbly need to be willing to let God hold my heart.  Today, a very dear friend of mine came over and straight forwardly ask me if I've been down.  I began to cry and told her the truth.  All of it.  Her answer was love and understanding.  Not condemnation or judgement.  She simply hugged me and told me I'm beautiful and that she understood why what we are waiting for is hard.  Words I so desperately needed to hear today.  Especially after going swimsuit shopping!  ;)

Thank you, Katy.  Thank you so very much for loving me today.  This is what faith gives me.  HE gives me a husband and truly amazing friends to lift me up and remind me to listen. What a blessing!