Something I only really vaguely thought about so far in our adoption is our relationship with our baby's birth parent(s). However, in the last few days, I feel like I have been forced to look at and evaluate what this relationship will be and why it is so important. When Matt and I first began this journey, we were pretty sure we wanted a closed adoption. We had this nonsensical idea that "open adoption" meant co-parenting. We mindlessly and selfishly thought we'd have this other family dictating how to raise our kids. Literally, fifteen minutes before we walked into our adoption agency for the first time, I received an email from an old high school friend. She told me her sister had given up her son for adoption years ago and that it was an open adoption. She explained that for her family to be able to see that little boy grow through the years provided so much peace for her sister and her family. The photos of him and few visits her sister has had provide comfort. This changed Matt and my perspective. Pretty far into the process, almost near the end really, we were required to attend a day of "training". I use the word "training" lightly for several reasons. First, I don't think anyone can prepare you to be a parent. Let alone an adoptive parent. Second, Matt and I really had no idea what we were walking into on this day. For starters, we didn't totally pay attention and thought it was only four hours long. WRONG. It was eight. Eight hours of information from an attorney and then adoptive families. The families were what we were not emotionally prepared for.
First, the women who had sacrificially given their babies to families blew me away. They were articulate, kind, and struggling. Each one of these women ultimately wanted the same thing - a stable, safe, and loving home for the child they loved, but for one reason or another they could not raise. Next, the adoptive families arrived to talk about their journey to receive there little ones. There were three of them. While listening on this day, it was apparent, more like a slap in the face kind of wake up call, that our relationship with our birth mother (or birth parents/birth family) will work because it is simply God working through the whole process anyway. This relationship will work because God will make it work. Believe me, I am not under any false pretenses that this relationship will necessarily be easy. In fact, it's still quite the contrary - I am terrified. Who will this woman be? Where will she come from? What will her expectations be?
One of my greatest fears is being judged. For any and everything. From the way I style my hair to the way I practice my faith. And yet, here I am. I am going to be judged. I am going to be evaluated so critically by a person I will not know at all. And I should be. The fit between our birth mother and us should be evaluated and prayed over thoughtfully. Because, ultimately, from the time we are chosen, we will be connected. We will be connected through a tiny baby for life. This is why I am praying for patience. This is why I am willing to wait. Because, when the fit finally occurs, it will be a blessing from God. Yes, I believe this wholeheartedly. We will fit because we are meant to fit. All of the band-aids will be off and our lives will be shared.
These last few days, I have been terrified of this relationship just like I was at the beginning. I've been forced to really think about this relationship. However, as I am writing this right now, I'm feeling it subside yet again. Just like it did on our training day. The woman God only knows at this point, will have a relationship with us according to Him. And it will work. And rather than being terrified, I am getting excited!
Monday, April 18, 2011
Friday, April 15, 2011
Slow Week
Today's post is relatively short - more of just an update of sorts. Weeks like this one are particularly difficult for me as an adoptive family waiting. This week, we did not receive any prospective birth mothers to potentially view us. During weeks like this, I truly have to fight to remember that God is in
control and He knows who our baby is and when/where he or she will come to us. Being reminded of this helps. There is a Josh Wilson song, "Before the Morning," that makes me smile during these times. A few of the lyrics are as follows:
That's sort of how I feel right now. However, I also am well aware I have a lot of joy in my life at the moment as well. So, here are just a very few things I'm finding the most joy in right now - at this very moment:
My chatty, brilliant, and beautiful, Ainsley.
My incredible husband.
My mother-in-law visiting in the coming week.
EASTER at Qwest Field!
My crazy pugs, Lucy & Linus.
control and He knows who our baby is and when/where he or she will come to us. Being reminded of this helps. There is a Josh Wilson song, "Before the Morning," that makes me smile during these times. A few of the lyrics are as follows:
"Maybe there are things you can't see
And all those things are happening to
bring a better ending
Someday somehow you'll see, you'll see
Would you dare, would you dare to believe?
That you still have reason to sing?
'Cause the pain that you've been feeling
It can't compare to the joy that's coming
So hold on you gotta wait for the light
Press on and just fight the good fight
'Cause the pain that you've been feeling
It's just the dark before the morning"
That's sort of how I feel right now. However, I also am well aware I have a lot of joy in my life at the moment as well. So, here are just a very few things I'm finding the most joy in right now - at this very moment:
My chatty, brilliant, and beautiful, Ainsley.
My incredible husband.
My mother-in-law visiting in the coming week.
EASTER at Qwest Field!
My crazy pugs, Lucy & Linus.
There is more joy coming. Lot's of joy. That's what I'm holding onto...
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Average
I cannot stand the word average. Perhaps it is my slightly competitive nature, but I just don't like it. From birth, we are either above average, average, or below average. We are constantly compared to the "average." As a parent, I worried when Ainsley was a baby because, in general, she was always smaller than average. She still is. However, at some point I finally accepted that my daughter is just very tall and skinny and I let the word mean nothing in my mind except a useful gauge for her doctor. Even less than the "average" weight for her age, she is still perfectly healthy, brilliant, and beautiful. Someday, she will probably love being very tall and skinny. I mean, I know I'd sure like to have long skinny legs.
I do realize averages can be useful, but in waiting for our next baby through adoption, I am reminded again how little I like this word. The average waiting time for a family in our adoption agency is about a 12 to 24 months. When we first began this process, the wait was more along nine to 18 months, however, there are now more families waiting than when we began and the agency is still placing the same number of children. I am suddenly fearful of being less than average and waiting far longer than 24 months. Our agency offers an optional online family profile. I check this page at least once a week to see if anyone new has been updated to "Placement Pending" status. On one side, I look at each of the other families as competition. These are the other people who a birth mom is going to see when she's making one of the most important and difficult decisions of her life. The other side of me is truly cheering for each and every one of these families because they all look like lovely, nice people. People I could be friends with. And, all they want is the same thing I want - a baby. They are each waiting for that super special little miracle God has planned just for them. This online page reminds me each week to continue to pray for each of these families in the exact same way I pray for ours. Lord, please bring this family a baby and please help them to be strong while they wait for what you have planned.
Average. Right now, we are average. We have been waiting approximately six months. By knowing the average, I have prepared myself to wait much longer. Lord, help me to be strong enough to wait for what you have planned. This is what I pray for - I pray that we are waiting only within the "average" time. Right now, I'm praying to be average.
I do realize averages can be useful, but in waiting for our next baby through adoption, I am reminded again how little I like this word. The average waiting time for a family in our adoption agency is about a 12 to 24 months. When we first began this process, the wait was more along nine to 18 months, however, there are now more families waiting than when we began and the agency is still placing the same number of children. I am suddenly fearful of being less than average and waiting far longer than 24 months. Our agency offers an optional online family profile. I check this page at least once a week to see if anyone new has been updated to "Placement Pending" status. On one side, I look at each of the other families as competition. These are the other people who a birth mom is going to see when she's making one of the most important and difficult decisions of her life. The other side of me is truly cheering for each and every one of these families because they all look like lovely, nice people. People I could be friends with. And, all they want is the same thing I want - a baby. They are each waiting for that super special little miracle God has planned just for them. This online page reminds me each week to continue to pray for each of these families in the exact same way I pray for ours. Lord, please bring this family a baby and please help them to be strong while they wait for what you have planned.
Average. Right now, we are average. We have been waiting approximately six months. By knowing the average, I have prepared myself to wait much longer. Lord, help me to be strong enough to wait for what you have planned. This is what I pray for - I pray that we are waiting only within the "average" time. Right now, I'm praying to be average.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Roots
My family moved around a lot when I was a child. I've gone through all of the places I remember and counted eight moves before I was 18. Matt and I have continued this trend and have moved 10 times in our nearly 13 years together. Most of these moves were between apartments in our early years of marriage, but three of those moves were after Ainsley was born. Crazy. We were in Austin, TX for the longest amount of time and, because of this, were able to actually establish roots. Friends we will continue to love for all of our lives, a church we loved, areas we loved to hang out in, and local restaurants where we loved to eat.
This last week, I have missed our Austin roots. I miss Tex-Mex. Folks, if you live anywhere but Texas, I highly doubt you have had real, good Tex-Mex. I'd pay a pretty penny for a good bowl of Maudie's or Chuy's queso. I miss our friends and family. Yes, the ones I mentioned in my previous post. But, we are not moving and I honestly do love where we live now. So often, I joke with Matt that it would be heavenly if we could live where we live and all of the people we love from the south would move up here and we could merge our southern friends with our new northwestern friends. In so many ways, our move to the northwest was a blessing. Personally, I needed this move to grow - to change. I believe God has always had his hands in our adventures and this last move was the most obvious blessing of them all.
In Austin, Matt and I found a church and through that church (and our friends in it), we started growing in our faith. We talk about Austin being our springboard to Seattle. In Seattle, we have found the church we believe God wanted us to find at just the right time in our lives. I have learned more about my faith and what I truly believe it means to be a Christian here. It's pretty incredible and I am incredibly thankful. Had we not moved to Seattle, I am not sure we'd be on the journey to adopt. But, here we are. Pretty incredible.
As I was talking to Matt about this recently, and telling him how much I miss this person or that, he reminded me it takes a long time to establish true roots. From a purely analytical standpoint, if you think about a tree growing, it takes that tree years, decades, to truly grow deep in the ground and then tall. We have been in Seattle for a very short amount of time - two and a half years. In this short amount of time, I already feel the underground roots sinking in. Church, home, etc. I believe I will soon see the top of our tree rising more and more and am so thankful for the branches that have already sprung. This is my home. Rainy weather and all! And I am thankful. I am thankful for our church. I am thankful my husband has a job he enjoys. I am thankful our daughter is in an awesome preschool and is making friends. I am thankful for the friends who call me when they know Matt is traveling and that I need a bit of cheering up. I am thankful for the amazing beauty around us. I am thankful for coffee shops on every corner. I am thankful for monthly Bunco. I am thankful for a million parks and green trees. Simply thankful. There is really no other word for it - thankful.
Our tree has been replanted. Our roots are settling in. And this time, unless God has other plans, the roots are staying put. We're going to see how deep they can grow...
This last week, I have missed our Austin roots. I miss Tex-Mex. Folks, if you live anywhere but Texas, I highly doubt you have had real, good Tex-Mex. I'd pay a pretty penny for a good bowl of Maudie's or Chuy's queso. I miss our friends and family. Yes, the ones I mentioned in my previous post. But, we are not moving and I honestly do love where we live now. So often, I joke with Matt that it would be heavenly if we could live where we live and all of the people we love from the south would move up here and we could merge our southern friends with our new northwestern friends. In so many ways, our move to the northwest was a blessing. Personally, I needed this move to grow - to change. I believe God has always had his hands in our adventures and this last move was the most obvious blessing of them all.
In Austin, Matt and I found a church and through that church (and our friends in it), we started growing in our faith. We talk about Austin being our springboard to Seattle. In Seattle, we have found the church we believe God wanted us to find at just the right time in our lives. I have learned more about my faith and what I truly believe it means to be a Christian here. It's pretty incredible and I am incredibly thankful. Had we not moved to Seattle, I am not sure we'd be on the journey to adopt. But, here we are. Pretty incredible.
As I was talking to Matt about this recently, and telling him how much I miss this person or that, he reminded me it takes a long time to establish true roots. From a purely analytical standpoint, if you think about a tree growing, it takes that tree years, decades, to truly grow deep in the ground and then tall. We have been in Seattle for a very short amount of time - two and a half years. In this short amount of time, I already feel the underground roots sinking in. Church, home, etc. I believe I will soon see the top of our tree rising more and more and am so thankful for the branches that have already sprung. This is my home. Rainy weather and all! And I am thankful. I am thankful for our church. I am thankful my husband has a job he enjoys. I am thankful our daughter is in an awesome preschool and is making friends. I am thankful for the friends who call me when they know Matt is traveling and that I need a bit of cheering up. I am thankful for the amazing beauty around us. I am thankful for coffee shops on every corner. I am thankful for monthly Bunco. I am thankful for a million parks and green trees. Simply thankful. There is really no other word for it - thankful.
Our tree has been replanted. Our roots are settling in. And this time, unless God has other plans, the roots are staying put. We're going to see how deep they can grow...
Friday, April 8, 2011
Friends
Sappy warning: This post is sappy. OK, go... :)
I have some of the most incredible friends. If you are someone I am blessed to call friend, thank you. Really. Through all of the amazing people I am friends with, I learn so many things and am so often uplifted and encouraged. Today, I felt like talking about some of them...
First, Tara. Tara and I met through church years ago. We both struggled to get pregnant around the same time (not on purpose) and were both nervous to tell the other one when we were pregnant with our first born. Tara, her husband, Matt and I decided it would be fabulous to have brunch together at an awesome little restaurant in Austin. At ~10 weeks pregnant at this point, and having already gained about 15 pounds, I knew we were going to tell them we were pregnant. I still don't know how the conversation happened, but at one point, I looked at her husband who was saying to my husband almost simultaneously, "Wait, did we tell you were were pregnant?" I looked over at Tara with tears in my eyes - we were only two weeks apart. I'm not sure I can ever thank God enough for Tara during my pregnancy or the continuing friendship with her over the years. She and I complained together and just chatted together the entire time. She is smart, beautiful, and hands down one of the best moms I know. Love you, T.
Next, "The Ad Girls." This is the name I have given to five of the most amazing ladies I have worked with and have continued to be able to be friends with over the years. The Ad Girls and I met while all working at an advertising agency in Austin. At first, none of us were really overly close, but at some point, we all got to know each other a little more. They are all Christian, brilliant, gorgeous on the inside and out, and now spread across the western U.S. and world. Each one of these friends inspires me in different and wonderful ways. Laura, is so smart. SO smart. I can always see her seemingly setting her mind on something and just getting it done. Blythe, is an athlete and animal lover. I will never run a marathon, but Blythe has done it a few times and I am in awe of her for that. She also has one of the biggest hearts of anyone I know. If there is a stray animal on the side of the road, she will have it in her possession and will find a home for it. Amy, is awesome. (Sorry to use the A with A here, but she is.) Amy is one of those friends you just know would drop everything to see you. She is kind and has a stealth sense of humor. Meaning, when you least expect it, she'll say one of the funniest things you've ever heard. Sommer, is my world traveler friend. As someone with a terrible fear of flying, she shows me the world and reminds me that I really need to let this fear go. Angela, is currently traveling around the world on a mission trip. Now really, do I really need to say why that is amazing? She is literally living in tents and meeting with some of the poorest people on the planet to tell them God does love them and that things will be better after this. Amazing. In fact, if you pray, would you please pray for Angela and her travels? This week I have been thinking of these ladies and thanking God for who they are and that I get to call them friend.
OK, so I also have many, many more friends than I can't mention without making it a novel. So, I'm collectively going through what I'm most thankful for in all of my friends. My Washington/Seattle friends are still pretty new and we're all really still just getting to know one another. But, from so many of these women I am already inspired. I'm inspired by all of the women who have three or more children, who can still get dressed everyday, keep their houses organized, make dinner most every night, and don't complain about any of it at all. I'm thankful for my Facebook friends. Yes, friends. Most of these friends are in Texas, or the south in general, and many have been my friend since junior high or high school. So often, I wish I could physically see some of these people and give them a giant squeeze, but, for now, Facebook will have to suffice. Thank you for keeping active so that I can "see" you.
Finally, I cannot write a post about friends without mentioning my very best friend - Matt. I'm really not going to write a long, sappy story here (most of you probably know it anyway); I'll keep it short. Matt is the most amazing man I've ever known. He is the one person who knows me best, has seen my worst, and loves me unconditionally. I am thankful he has been with me through all of the toughest moments in my life and will continue to do so for the remainder of my life. He is an amazing dad. The kind of dad I wish I had had. He can make our daughter giggle like no one else. A few weeks ago, I was having a really hard time with adoption anxiety and Matt held me in his arms as I was uncontrollably crying and prayed with me. Honestly, I've been a whole lot less anxious after that. So, thank you, Matt, for more than I can say.
OK - enough sappy. Thank you, friends. Thank you for continuing to pray for us and our adoption, thank you for inspiring me in so many ways. Really. I love you all.
I have some of the most incredible friends. If you are someone I am blessed to call friend, thank you. Really. Through all of the amazing people I am friends with, I learn so many things and am so often uplifted and encouraged. Today, I felt like talking about some of them...
First, Tara. Tara and I met through church years ago. We both struggled to get pregnant around the same time (not on purpose) and were both nervous to tell the other one when we were pregnant with our first born. Tara, her husband, Matt and I decided it would be fabulous to have brunch together at an awesome little restaurant in Austin. At ~10 weeks pregnant at this point, and having already gained about 15 pounds, I knew we were going to tell them we were pregnant. I still don't know how the conversation happened, but at one point, I looked at her husband who was saying to my husband almost simultaneously, "Wait, did we tell you were were pregnant?" I looked over at Tara with tears in my eyes - we were only two weeks apart. I'm not sure I can ever thank God enough for Tara during my pregnancy or the continuing friendship with her over the years. She and I complained together and just chatted together the entire time. She is smart, beautiful, and hands down one of the best moms I know. Love you, T.
Next, "The Ad Girls." This is the name I have given to five of the most amazing ladies I have worked with and have continued to be able to be friends with over the years. The Ad Girls and I met while all working at an advertising agency in Austin. At first, none of us were really overly close, but at some point, we all got to know each other a little more. They are all Christian, brilliant, gorgeous on the inside and out, and now spread across the western U.S. and world. Each one of these friends inspires me in different and wonderful ways. Laura, is so smart. SO smart. I can always see her seemingly setting her mind on something and just getting it done. Blythe, is an athlete and animal lover. I will never run a marathon, but Blythe has done it a few times and I am in awe of her for that. She also has one of the biggest hearts of anyone I know. If there is a stray animal on the side of the road, she will have it in her possession and will find a home for it. Amy, is awesome. (Sorry to use the A with A here, but she is.) Amy is one of those friends you just know would drop everything to see you. She is kind and has a stealth sense of humor. Meaning, when you least expect it, she'll say one of the funniest things you've ever heard. Sommer, is my world traveler friend. As someone with a terrible fear of flying, she shows me the world and reminds me that I really need to let this fear go. Angela, is currently traveling around the world on a mission trip. Now really, do I really need to say why that is amazing? She is literally living in tents and meeting with some of the poorest people on the planet to tell them God does love them and that things will be better after this. Amazing. In fact, if you pray, would you please pray for Angela and her travels? This week I have been thinking of these ladies and thanking God for who they are and that I get to call them friend.
OK, so I also have many, many more friends than I can't mention without making it a novel. So, I'm collectively going through what I'm most thankful for in all of my friends. My Washington/Seattle friends are still pretty new and we're all really still just getting to know one another. But, from so many of these women I am already inspired. I'm inspired by all of the women who have three or more children, who can still get dressed everyday, keep their houses organized, make dinner most every night, and don't complain about any of it at all. I'm thankful for my Facebook friends. Yes, friends. Most of these friends are in Texas, or the south in general, and many have been my friend since junior high or high school. So often, I wish I could physically see some of these people and give them a giant squeeze, but, for now, Facebook will have to suffice. Thank you for keeping active so that I can "see" you.
Finally, I cannot write a post about friends without mentioning my very best friend - Matt. I'm really not going to write a long, sappy story here (most of you probably know it anyway); I'll keep it short. Matt is the most amazing man I've ever known. He is the one person who knows me best, has seen my worst, and loves me unconditionally. I am thankful he has been with me through all of the toughest moments in my life and will continue to do so for the remainder of my life. He is an amazing dad. The kind of dad I wish I had had. He can make our daughter giggle like no one else. A few weeks ago, I was having a really hard time with adoption anxiety and Matt held me in his arms as I was uncontrollably crying and prayed with me. Honestly, I've been a whole lot less anxious after that. So, thank you, Matt, for more than I can say.
OK - enough sappy. Thank you, friends. Thank you for continuing to pray for us and our adoption, thank you for inspiring me in so many ways. Really. I love you all.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Emotional
I am an emotional person. Yesterday, I received a book about dealing with challenges and how God actually grows us during these times. As I was reading it, I began to cry. Not just little tears that trickle out and you can blot politely with a Kleenex. These were true, streams down my face and dripping onto my t-shirt, tears. This book has spoken to me for so many reasons. Mostly, the author and I seem to have a lot in common - miscarriage, struggles with selling homes and moving, and struggles dealing with the emotions we feel during these trying times. I am tremendously thankful to my friend and for my friend who sent me this book.
So, as I was reading I began to think about what it means to me to be emotional. For many people this is a negative trait and something feared by quite a few people I know. However, I think it's something fantastic and I'm quite happy being emotional. It seems to me some of the least emotional people I know are the ones I am most uncomfortable being around for any extended amount of time. Please don't get me wrong, I do not break down in the middle of Target or begin crying for no apparent reason while going about my day. However, privately, with my husband or friends, as I am praying or reading, or listening to music, or thinking about people or situations in my life, I may get a sniffle. There are times I cannot continue to sing at church as I look around and see hands raised and voices lifted. But, even here, I tend to just stop singing for a minute, swallow, take a deep breath, and then keep going.
Often I try to not be emotional, but I'm not really sure that's the best thing. For example, this blog is very emotional for me. It is also very public and by writing it, albeit for only a short while so far, I have felt a tremendous release of anxiety regarding our adoption. Adopting in and of itself it extremely emotional. Within the six months we have been waiting, we've received approximately 10-12 possibilities for us. In an open adoption, the birth mother is presented with profile albums and information about prospective families. Prior to our profile being shown, we are given the the information our agency knows about the birth mother. Most of this information is regarding health care, possible drug/alcohol use, family preferences, birth father information, and any kind of family health information that may be known. With each one of these prospective mothers, whether we say no or she says no to us, there is a lot of emotion involved. If we say no, there is heartbreak and continuing prayer for the mother, baby, and family that can say yes. When we do choose to be shown, it is emotional waiting to find out if we've been selected. Initially, it may seem better to not be emotional in this case. However, I truly believe it is helping me. In this process, my emotions have opened me up to learning more about my faith, my strength, my courage, and my capacity to love.
So, I am going to finish reading my emotional book and continue thanking God for this blessing he has given me. Because, with it, I am able to abundantly love, wholeheartedly pray, and truly rely on my faith to get me through...
So, as I was reading I began to think about what it means to me to be emotional. For many people this is a negative trait and something feared by quite a few people I know. However, I think it's something fantastic and I'm quite happy being emotional. It seems to me some of the least emotional people I know are the ones I am most uncomfortable being around for any extended amount of time. Please don't get me wrong, I do not break down in the middle of Target or begin crying for no apparent reason while going about my day. However, privately, with my husband or friends, as I am praying or reading, or listening to music, or thinking about people or situations in my life, I may get a sniffle. There are times I cannot continue to sing at church as I look around and see hands raised and voices lifted. But, even here, I tend to just stop singing for a minute, swallow, take a deep breath, and then keep going.
Often I try to not be emotional, but I'm not really sure that's the best thing. For example, this blog is very emotional for me. It is also very public and by writing it, albeit for only a short while so far, I have felt a tremendous release of anxiety regarding our adoption. Adopting in and of itself it extremely emotional. Within the six months we have been waiting, we've received approximately 10-12 possibilities for us. In an open adoption, the birth mother is presented with profile albums and information about prospective families. Prior to our profile being shown, we are given the the information our agency knows about the birth mother. Most of this information is regarding health care, possible drug/alcohol use, family preferences, birth father information, and any kind of family health information that may be known. With each one of these prospective mothers, whether we say no or she says no to us, there is a lot of emotion involved. If we say no, there is heartbreak and continuing prayer for the mother, baby, and family that can say yes. When we do choose to be shown, it is emotional waiting to find out if we've been selected. Initially, it may seem better to not be emotional in this case. However, I truly believe it is helping me. In this process, my emotions have opened me up to learning more about my faith, my strength, my courage, and my capacity to love.
So, I am going to finish reading my emotional book and continue thanking God for this blessing he has given me. Because, with it, I am able to abundantly love, wholeheartedly pray, and truly rely on my faith to get me through...
Monday, April 4, 2011
Just Dance
I love music. Love it. However, I cannot read a single note of music or tell you who composed what symphony I may be listening to on the classical music channel. I've performed in musicals and danced in drill team or dance recitals, but could not tell you what a C-note sounds like. Despite this, I still love to sing and dance. I've joked with Matt that anyone scrolling through my music would probably get a real laugh. I have everything from Christian music, musicals, rap, hip hop, classical, and the list goes on... Ainsley has been exposed to all kinds of music since before birth. After her birth, I would plug my iPod (now Zune player) into the docking station and dance around the living room with her in my arms or in the Baby Bjorn. She would get the biggest grin and later giggles. It is no wonder my daughter now sings songs about any and everything she sees, hears, or wants. She is also a pretty cool little dancer. I love it!
So, having said all of this, it is surprising to me that I've avoided music when having the most difficulty with adoption anxiety. Yes, some songs make me feel sad. I still to this day cannot listen to Steven Curtis Chapman's "Cinderella." But, all in all, music makes me feel good. So, I've made a new promise to myself - Anytime I am feeling anxious about the adoption, I will turn on music, dance, and sing. I mean really, why not?
So, having said all of this, it is surprising to me that I've avoided music when having the most difficulty with adoption anxiety. Yes, some songs make me feel sad. I still to this day cannot listen to Steven Curtis Chapman's "Cinderella." But, all in all, music makes me feel good. So, I've made a new promise to myself - Anytime I am feeling anxious about the adoption, I will turn on music, dance, and sing. I mean really, why not?
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