Emotional

I am an emotional person.  Yesterday, I received a book about dealing with challenges and how God actually grows us during these times.  As I was reading it, I began to cry.  Not just little tears that trickle out and you can blot politely with a Kleenex.  These were true, streams down my face and dripping onto my t-shirt, tears.  This book has spoken to me for so many reasons.  Mostly, the author and I seem to have a lot in common - miscarriage, struggles with selling homes and moving, and struggles dealing with the emotions we feel during these trying times. I am tremendously thankful to my friend and for my friend who sent me this book. 

So, as I was reading I began to think about what it means to me to be emotional.  For many people this is a negative trait and something feared by quite a few people I know.  However, I think it's something fantastic and I'm quite happy being emotional.  It seems to me some of the least emotional people I know are the ones I am most uncomfortable being around for any extended amount of time.  Please don't get me wrong, I do not break down in the middle of Target or begin crying for no apparent reason while going about my day.  However, privately, with my husband or friends, as I am praying or reading, or listening to music, or thinking about people or situations in my life, I may get a sniffle.  There are times I cannot continue to sing at church as I look around and see hands raised and voices lifted.  But, even here, I tend to just stop singing for a minute, swallow, take a deep breath, and then keep going.

Often I try to not be emotional, but I'm not really sure that's the best thing.  For example, this blog is very emotional for me.  It is also very public and by writing it, albeit for only a short while so far, I have felt a tremendous release of anxiety regarding our adoption.  Adopting in and of itself it extremely emotional.  Within the six months we have been waiting, we've received approximately 10-12 possibilities for us.  In an open adoption, the birth mother is presented with profile albums and information about prospective families.  Prior to our profile being shown, we are given the the information our agency knows about the birth mother.  Most of this information is regarding health care, possible drug/alcohol use, family preferences, birth father information, and any kind of family health information that may be known.  With each one of these prospective mothers, whether we say no or she says no to us, there is a lot of emotion involved.  If we say no, there is heartbreak and continuing prayer for the mother, baby, and family that can say yes.  When we do choose to be shown, it is emotional waiting to find out if we've been selected.  Initially, it may seem better to not be emotional in this case.  However, I truly believe it is helping me.  In this process, my emotions have opened me up to learning more about my faith, my strength, my courage, and my capacity to love. 

So, I am going to finish reading my emotional book and continue thanking God for this blessing he has given me.  Because, with it, I am able to abundantly love, wholeheartedly pray, and truly rely on my faith to get me through...